Back to the Crystal Fortress: The Unowns Return
by Shiny Loser
Summary: A mysterious force has been abducting the people of Hoenn. Wallace, the Sootopolis gym leader, is sent to retrieve the hostages. He meets Brendan, an immature boy of 12 years, and together they venture into the labyrinth. What have the Unowns in store?
1. Chapter 1: Review on Pokemon 3 Movie

**Prologue: Review on Third Pokemon Movie**

What were the odds? thought Prof. Birch. How could it be that 2 people vanished off thin air in Oldale and 2 people in Mossdeep, with no traces at all? It had, after all, been investigated for 2 months and returned nothing. How could it be that a few years ago, perhaps five or more, the same thing had happened? What had happened last time was completely insane, he thought. In the Johto region, a professor had been held hostage by some weird force, and her daughter, for a time, had severely missed her single father. Then, something still uncomprehendable to Birch happened- the girl, according to news, had been given a world of her own by a new father, strangely not human, but Pokemon. This Pokemon obtained a mother for the little girl Molly. By coincidence or careful planning, the Pokemon picked the all-famous kid Ash Ketchum from the Kanto region's mother, Delia. In an attempt to save his mother, Ash had wound up, with his friends, into Molly's world. The imaginary world was destroyed.

What had caused that episode? Prof. Birch was still thinking when a nauseous feeling came over him. He looked up at the ceiling just before he passed out; just in time to see a circle, a vague ring of black objects, circling round and round him, stealing his consciousness...


	2. Chapter 2: A Different Sootopolis

**Chapter 2: Mystery in a Different Sootopolis**

Wallace stared at the towering mall in front of him. He looked through the automatic doors and the shop-loving people inside. He turned around and looked out at the skyscraper-ed city that used to be Sootopolis. A wave of mixed feelings splashed through Wallace. He realised he liked the old Sootopolis better.

Five months before, Wallace had suggested a change in Sootopolis. He had visited the urbane Celadon city, and when he came back, he had mentioned it to the mayor's berry planting daughter Kiri, incidentally his crush, and the construction began before he could object. The girls in his gym left and he was stuck with old people to train with, and the Greece-like city was torn down and replaced with skyscrapers. Wallace had never expected this.

"But I guess I'm gonna have to live with it," he said to no one in particular. He picked up a glinting item that had caught his attention. "Hm.. Half an eyeglass... this looks exactly like the mayor's.."

"Mom, my pokedex isn't working!" Brendan frantically tapped at the beeping machine. He went downstairs. Brendan's mom was watching the news. "Electronic devices, excluding TV and cellular phone, have been disabled in Littleroot, Oldale, and Petalburg due to strange ultrasonic force fields hovering over the area. It is likely that the force fields will spread over Hoenn in the next few days. Also, more people have disappeared and halves of items were discovered scattered around Hoenn. With so many strange events happening, it is hard to tell if any are related to each other." Mom turned off the TV. "Ask Birch to fix it for you," she said. "Good idea, I'll come back after lunch," said Brendan.

The professor's room was empty. The helpers had somehow left without Birch seeimg them. Birch himself was, of course, gone. Brendan walked to Birch's desk and wrote a note that said: "Could you fix my dex? It's kinda got a problem. Thx." Taking out his cell, he phoned up his date, Lass Haley.

"Hey sweetie," said Brendan.

Haley sounded very annoyed over the crackly static of the phone. "I thought it was a morning date. It's twelve o'clock!"

"Sorry," said Brendan sheepishly. "That's why I got us a cool restaurant! It's in the Sootopolis mall, pretty far, but you have a Flying, right?"

"Does Zigzagoon fly?"

"Nope."

"Darned!" groaned Haley. "Zigzagoon's an HM slave! Why can't he learn fly?"

"He doesn't have wings."

"Alright. I can't remember exactly, but I think I have a Taillow in my PC."

Brendan and Haley were soon staring at the metropolis that was the good old Sootopolis.

"Sootopolis has changed so much since I last came here! This must be the most modern city ever!" marveled Brendan in amazement.

Hand in hand, they walked into the "cool restaurant": McDonalds. The first to open in the Pokemon world, the McDonalds Sootopolis was naturally bursting with people wanting to try out those strange new things called burgers, but Brendan had made a booking, and finding a seat was no problem. However, about a burger's-eating period after it was apparent that the date was not going well. There was no mistaking to Haley that Brendan was not her type, constantly attempting to amuse her by cracking yo momma jokes. She told Brendan she was going to the bathroom, a common, but to her, a possible effective excuse, thinking surely she could escape the embarrassment.

Running through the huge mall, she looked for an exit. After a short while, she really had to go to the bathroom, so she went.

Washing hands after she finished, she looked down, down into the sink, swirling... was it just her, or was the world really swirling? Head aching, she looked up to the ceiling to find the air around her swirling with black objects. She collapsed to the floor, then disappeared, as the objects headed on to the berry garden...

Sitting in his private study in his gym, Wallace looked at the berry in his desk. He remembered Kiri's words when she handed the berry to him: "This is an Uno berry! It's been grown in strikingly small number, but somehow I mixed up the breeds and came up with it. It's worth millions, so it seems right that I give one just for you." It had been a priceless gesture to Wallace. He was still daydreaming when his Pokenav beeped. Flipping it open deftly, Wallace noticed a new message. It read: "You're required for a mission. Get over here to the Barboach-Shroomish meeting office."

The request sparked curiosity and a considerable amount of confusion in Wallace – it seemed too serious for his regular Pokenav message, and all the same, it involved the hidden staircase. Despite the complete oblivion to what his mission was going to be, Wallace knew perfectly how to open the hidden staircase: show 10 gorebysses to the barboach man and 5 oddishes to the shroomish man. He extracted the gorebysses and oddishes from the hidden staircase deposit ("with a special password named after me", he enjoyed saying), and "got down there". No, not that way. But he did get down.

"Wallace, you have no idea why you're here." Got that right, thought Wallace. "Well, I'd better give an explanation," the old guy sighed, hearing the confused pause. "The mayor and his daughter Kiri have been abducted and she left this for you." The old guy handed Wallace a note in Kiri's delicate, pointy cursive handwriting: "Get Wallace. He has what they want."

"Strange thing is," continued the old guy, "she didn't seem to disappear as suddenly as the others. She may have even communicated with whatever took her. As far as the note implies, you have what they want, so you are now officially on a mission to get her back."

"I have absolutely no idea, even now, why you called me here and why it's me. How should I have any more of an idea of what it is they want?" asked an extremely confused Wallace.

"I have no idea, but just carry around anything you might consider special, as I do suspect that the kidnappers want a hefty ransom. That way, when abduction takes place, you have the item," said the old guy wisely, nodding slowly and apprehensively. "But you might have to do something extra. They might not return the humans even for the thing they want. May I suggest you bring your Pokemon. They will be a great help."


	3. Chapter 3: Popular Guy and Dumb Kid

**Chapter 3: Popular Guy and Dumb Kid**

Walking out of the Barboach-shroomish room, Wallace thought about what the old guy said. It was like the second pokemon movie, only this time HE was the chosen one, and it was to peace out strange, unidentified abductors and retrieve the people. He went to his study, and half an hour later, returned with all his precious stuff, including his suitcase full of gym badges to be given, unsurprisingly filled, his jewelry, and his book on one-type battling success. As he opened the suitcase filled with Rain Badges, he thought about the only thing he couldn't part with – the Uno berry from Kiri, thinking surely it was the last memory of her. A "DUDE! Give me one of those!" broke through his thoughts and he looked up. "10 Dollars! What do you say?" said a nerd-looking kid with extreme height loss. (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but who cares.)

Wallace knew the kid. He had made a big-time introduction before he fought Wallace, and lost spectacularly big-time too. Brendan didn't recognize him, though. Without his white uniform and hat, Brendan had just addressed him like any street kid.

"How'd you get to have so many? Are those fake? They must be! Will they get me past the E4 Doors?" continued Brendan. "Go away, kid. Want the badge, beat me fair and square. No, these are not fake and don't even try to get a counterfeit Rain badge ecause first, they find out and second, if you aren't good enough to beat me then forget the E4," said Wallace in a bored tone.

"OK, show your pokemon and let's fight, I'm invincible!" Brendan laughed. Still haven't figured me out yet, thought Wallace. Well, I'll pwn him again, it feels good anyway. Might cheer me up. He threw his premier ball. "Go, Milotic!"

The serpent popped out of the ball. Brendan gaped at the 20-foot thing. Then his mouth closed into a smirk. "Sissy thing, eh? Well, I'll show you something more manly," he said. A pokeball – one of those 200 Yen pokeballs – went into the air. And out came – Yeah, that's right – a Zigzagoon.

Wallace started laughing, and couldn't stop since the last time he fought Brendan, the Zigzagoon had not changed diddly-squat besides its level. It still had that cowardly look to its dumb, pathetic eyes, unlike anything in his determined Milotic. It let out a whimper.

"Looks like it's afraid of you, Mil," laughed Wallace. "Why don't you calm it down like in your dex entry, and make it love you instead? Attract!"

Milotic obeyed and began a smooth, rhythmic dance, her head undulating to an invisible rhythm – Brendan stared as Zigzagoon's eyes, once dumb, turned to hearts and its walk became trance-like.

Brendan, in panic, grabbed the Zigzagoon and began shaking it. "DON'T MAKE ME LOSE MY FAKE RAIN BADGE!"

"Don't have a Red Flute? Or are you too cheap to buy items? Even though red flute doesn't cost anything?"

"Grr…" Brendan rolled his eyes in an impatient sigh as Zigzagoon continued to be immobilized by love.

"Milotic, Water Pulse!" Milotic let out a stream of ultrasonic waves, which propelled itself into the Zigzagoon's face.

"NOOOOO! CONFUSED!? Don't hurt yourself! LOSER!" yelled Brendan, breaking down in tears as Zigzagoon hurt itself in its confusion.

"You better give me an apology for messing with me or your dead ziggy gets a pounding," said Wallace. The words seemed alright for someone who was trying to obtain a fake rain badge, he decided.

"I never lost to any street kid," Brendan mumbled, head down. "Guess it was just destiny to meet with a replica-badge hater."

"Heh, you beat every street kid in Petalburg all right. But not the Sootopolis Gym leader, right? Not even Tate and Liza, I think," Wallace said with a clear sarcasm.

"How did you know I didn't beat the gym leader here? He flattened me! Like, his Milotic… Hey, you have one too! Then you know how strong it is… How did you know?"

"Cos I aint no street kid," said Wallace, finally stating his identity. He put his uniform hat on. "Next time you wanna whip a street kid, check if he's a GYM LEADER."

"OMG! That's the gym leader! Get his auto!!" A group of girls speeded from the mall and accelerated at amazing speed toward them. "Kid, keep up. We need to run!" The two jumped up and headed towards the gym. They bolted the door and entered Wallace's study.

"Here are some battle guides that might help," said Wallace, showing a book called Diverse Pokemon Battle Guide. "15 dollars a book. What do you think?"

"Uh… what I think is that my zig is gone." Brendan had already started looking. After a while, there was an "AAAAHH!!" and Brendan turned.

The shout was from Wallace. Zigzagoon had somehow got into his desk and bitten three-fourths off the rare Uno berry, which Wallace had considered priceless. He now had the zig by the throat, and was going for Brendan's. "Can't…you even….keep this thing…in one place…" He threw the zigzagoon to the floor.

"He couldn't help it, he has the pickup ability," said Brendan. "Calm down, it was just a berry. Here, have an Oran." Brendan picked up the zig.

"It…was Kiri's… Its rare like hll… I'l never see her… AAAA! AAAAHH!" yelled Wallace but suddenly stopped, as unmistakably something as happening.

It was the black objects. Swirling, swirling… The pain inside their head was very real… They collapsed to the floor, with Brendan still holding the zig… and felt themselves vaporize… abducted.


	4. Chapter 4: Hoenn Feels the Cold

**Chapter 4: Hoenn Feels the Cold**

Brendan's mom was getting worried, so to calm herself down she turned on PNN. "Lately someone has been send on a mission to retrieve the abductees of the unidentified kidnappers. The person, as expected, is nowhere to be seen now." I'm lucky that my son isn't one of the crazy sort as to volunteer for stuff like that, she thought. "Also, there has been some sort of cold wind current blown over Hoenn, so although it's summer, it looks like it's gonna snow so prepare some long-sleeved clothes." Brendan's mother looked at her watch. 5:30 PM. Brendan should be home by now. Weird. She went out of the house and decided to ask Prof. Birch. When she entered, she realized the professor and his colleagues had all been abducted – there rarely left the lab. Also there were halves of stuff scattered everywhere. It was also then that she realized the unwanted truth that was hanging around – had Brendan been abducted too?

"Hm…m..ah?? Where's this??" Brendan had woke up – into a crystal world. The crystal flowers fields glistened in the crystal sun. There was a sort of crystal stream which was just liquid enough to flow by lethargically. Somehow the crystal seemed to be spreading – everything it touched turned to beautiful, icy crystal.

"Dude!! Wake up and get a load of THIS!" exclaimed Brendan, looking positively hyper about the strange surrounding.

"You..can't…seeeeee…me..what?" gasped Wallace as a bucket of crystal liquid splashed him in the face. "Sorry, just dreaming."

"About John Cena? Gimme a break." Brendan turned away and rolled his eyes. "I always thought he was gay."

"I decided to ignore that," stated Wallace. "So can anyone tell me what's going on here?"

"Don't think so, we're the only ones here.. But wherever we are, it's WICKED! Crystal world! Grab a load, and get on home! We're RICH!" Brendan was jumping around ecstatically, his hands spraying the liquid across the stream.

Wallace sighed. "Problem is, how are we supposed to "get on home"?"

Brendan stopped jumping and thought about the question. He has a point, he thought slowly. There doesn't seem to be any exit. Was I too excited by a new world? ……No way outa here??

"MOMMMY!! WAHHHH!"

Wallace forced back a chuckle. "Gosh. Ain't no need for that kind of panic. Who was the one all jumpy and excited a minute ago?"

They got up and walked towards the fortress, a strange, crystal (duh!) transparent fortress, which they had both somehow seen before….

The Unowns were still scanning the rows and rows of hostages. All of them were unconscious and weren't lucky enough to land outside of the fortress.

"I don't think any of them have what we want," said B disappointedly.

"Shut up and keep searching," spat X. "Besides, we need a spokesman. Like, translating for us. Nobody yet understands unownish. We could speak through them."

"Well, check out this guy!" suggested A, pointing to the mayor. He looks prof enough… whaddya think?"

"Doesn't work," replied Y, shaking its antennae. "He's old. I hate old people. Shut up, B."

"B's right, that is ageist, but I don't think the mayor works," said C as objectively as possible. "Oh look, hot babe." C was eyeing Haley, who was doubled up over the wall. It floated speedily to her and promptly picked her up. "Hey look, I'm a hot babe with. – ooh, angelic voice. Whaddya think? Y?"

"You've got her, C. Now get on with business…"

The auto-seeking fans had finally smashed through the door with 52 rock blasts. Scaling the ice steps, they entered the secret study – with no one inside. "Come out, you and the kid. We know you're in here!" But searching for half an hour (as it was a small study), they were pretty sure no one was in the room.

"They must have slipped out somewhere. What other explanation is there?" said one fan.

"Dude, they must have been ABDUCTED," mocked another. She and her best buddy laughed, tensely.

"Taking advantage of the news is soooo low," commented the best buddy sarcastically. It was met with a cold, questioning look from the fan who had first spoken. When she opened her mouth this time, her voice sounded unnaturally airy and floaty…

"So you think the kidnappings are a joke? Do you think so?"

"What, you think they're real? It's just someone doing a joke and hiding the evidence. Halves of things don't… what? Chill out."

For she wasn't laughing, unlike the old friend she used to be. She looked dead serious…to tell the truth, she wasn't looking at anything at all. Her face was blank as a sheet. Taking off before she could stop herself, the sarcastic fan whipped out her cell and dialed the police in panic….

Wallace and Brendan were still trying to figure out what it was about the crystal fortress they had seen before. Suddenly, Brendan had a realization.

"A movie!" he exclaimed. "I saw in a movie that this place was built by some black letter thingies, Entei and a little girl, Molly."

The idea was met with an eye roll from Wallace. "Movie's aren't real, dork. What's Entei anyway?"

"But seriously," insisted Brendan, his eyes gleaming. "It looks exactly the same."

"Cut the baby talk and let's get on. OK, there isn't any entrance, we, oh wait, I gotta blast a hole in this thing."

Brendan's eyes liquefied. "Hey…! I'm with you in this too. I'll tell you what Entei is."

Wallace sighed. "Oh god. Okay okay, WE. Happy, loser? And, I know what Entei is, it's a burger. I'm not stupid."

Wallace was right. About the entrance, that was. It was completely sealed by jagged stalagmite-like crystals, looking really strong for something made out of crystal, except for a little patch in the third floor wall that looked like a burn. (Charizard did that in the 3rd Pokemon movie.) Neither Wallace nor Brendan, however, had a fire Pokemon to burn through the crystal. The former poked the latter. "Hey, does your zig know hyperbeam?"

"Hyper beam? What the heck?" Brendan looked bewildered.

"Dammit."

"Try Milotic's Water Pulse," suggested Brendan with another alternative.

Wallace nodded. "Not a bad idea. I suppose water may dissolve the wall. Go Milotic!" A flash of red and green light as a premier ball burst open into the even brighter yellow of Milotic's delicate scales. A stream of blue followed as Milotic released powerful ultrasonic waves into the wall, of which it dissolved a jagged hole.

Brendan applauded and jumped around more thrilled than ever. "DUDE! That's UBER PWNAGE MAN!"

"Kid, we aren't on the internet, and will never be if we don't get out of here. So don't expect our stories to be posted on some website and stop speaking internet slang."

"Chill. Look, the hole's closing up. We gotta get in!"

They both climbed through the hole – Wallace first, of course.


	5. Chapter 5: Wallace's Change of Mind

**Chapter 5: Wallace's Change of Mind**

Brendan and Wallace stepped through the jagged hallways of the huge, translucent crystal splinters coming up from the floor. Everything seemed, in some way, unreal. The light coming through the walls split into the 7 color spectrum as they hit the crystal splinters. The ceiling seemed a bit too high, the floor looked like it would crack at any moment, and yada yada yada. There was also the chirping sound that sounded like a radio turned real low and on real low reception. You get the idea…

"Hey! You guys! Some hostage here has DIED!" gasped S.

"Oh crap!" muttered Y. "We don't want people to think we're murderers."

"Throw him out the window," said X briskly.

"There isn't one."

"Ok fine, just throw him to the first floor. Hey, why have the hostages stopped coming in? Q and K are slacking off…again!" X radioed Q. "Stop slacking off and abduct more people! Where the hell are you?"

"We're in McDonalds," said Q through the radio, "but we're not finished with our Enteis yet. Can't we get a break?"

"No! I told you, 250 hostages for a 20 minute break. There are only 248 here."

"Yo Q…" said K. "I think we dropped the last two outside the hizay."

"WHAT?" yelled X. "Crap. That's serious. We gotta take action!"

Meanwhile, Brendan and Wallace were sitting on the floor because Brendan complained that he was tired. In an unexplainable way, Wallace didn't feel that annoyed. And he didn't try to convince himself that the kid was just slowing him down and that he should ditch him and get out of here. Strange, he thought. Maybe I was confused by that Water Pulse. But he had his doubts about that too when he didn't get annoyed when Brendan jumped up screaming "I got pricked in the ass by a crystal!"

Suddenly, a bang, or more like, flop, sounded as a body, not breathing, fell on the floor just in front of Brendan's "stool".

"GAHHHHH!" he screamed, totally forgetting the crystal splinter in his ass.

"Holy crap!" he whispered. "The abductors must be fierce and dangerous… killing hostages before the rescuers come? They're sick murderers!" he said, ignoring the fact that the person did not have any signs of struggle and was about 95, which is kind of old to be spinning around and transported to an alternate world.

"Well, just leave him, we'd better move on. No, it's NOT scary. C'mon!" Wallace was annoyed once again, which relieved him. For a minute he thought he actually wanted to be FRIENDS.

"Hello?" shouted the sarcastic fan into the phone. She had to shout because the wind had inexplicitly gotten so huge that it was hard to hear the other side of the phone. "Oldale Police Station? Hello?"

"Who is this? Why do you need assistance?" The police officer's voice could hardly be heard. "Sorry we're on low reception, but a snowstorm is brewing up over here."

"What?? Uh, two people have suddenly gone missing, then a friend of mine turns psycho!" she yelled into the speaker.

"Abduction? They've been happening a lot. Psycho friend, call a doctor," the police officer hollered.

"NO! You don't understand! They didn't leave halves of stuff around!"

The police officer gawped behind the phone. This must mean they had what the abductors were seeking. "Hold on, young lady," he shouted, "I'll make a rep – " But before he finished the word, reception was cut off.

"You guys, check out what I was just watching," J turned off the TV.

"What?" asked the other Unowns.

"I was watching PNN!"

All the Unowns groaned. Some of them started laughing their heads off.

"Cmon. You know only those gay humans watch PNN," remarked Z. "So what's on it?"

"They say one person has been sent to try and retrieve the people. But somehow he picked up another guy and now there are 2 on the mission," said J. "Do you think that's the two people accidentally dropped outside?"

"It's unlikely," said Y, "and anyway what, really, can those humans do to us?"

"I know," said J. "It says the original guy is around 18, but he picked up a 12 year old, so they can't be that good. I mean, we've been here thousands of years. Until." J glared at the ground furiously.

"Oh, I know. I'll send you, J, and you, Z, to find the two guys and pwn them with your hidden powers." Y glinted evilly. "Stupid humans. You brought along your own destruction by banishing us. And now you think you can try and take back what you did. I'll teach you fools a serious lesson."

"Where do you think they're keeping the hostages?" Brendan whispered. His voice shook slowly, as did the rest of him, as he clung to Wallace's shoulder, quivering.

"How should I know? That's why we're here," snapped Wallace impatiently, yet not as before. "And Jesus Christ, stop whimpering and grabbing. GET OFF MY BACK! You're 12 years old. Grow up. Gawd."

"I don't wanna die! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Brendan's pleas could be heart echoing throughout the second floor. He sniffled, that which also bounced off the hard crystalline walls, and came back to the two in an eerie way.

"THEN FOR CHRIST & MY SAKE STOP SHOUTING!" Wallace yelled. Even he was getting worried. How long will this fear-of-mass-murderer thing last? How long could his back endure the weight of a twelve-year-old? And most importantly, he thought, Will Brendan be all right?

He gasped and stopped short, sending Brendan bouncing off his back. What made me think that? He's a total loser. A wimp. Immature. An imbecile. Why the f would I care? He looked for an answer in his head. It must be the ultrasonic waves. I've gone kookoo. What else?


	6. Chapter 6: Woah

**Chapter 6: Woah.**

J and Z were floating around, looking for the two "fugitives", unfortunately to no avail at the moment. They exchanged random comments like "This is really getting boring", but it wasn't until 10 minutes of searching that J began a conversation.

"Remember last time?" said J.

"Last time? Which last time?" asked Z. It had probably forgotten, since it had been a quite a long time.

"The time we worked with Entei."

"Oh yea."

"Don't you reckon the storyline is kinda similar to this one?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, last time, we abducted that guy, Hale, because he discovered us. Entei abducted Ash's mom Delia to be Molly's mom. Then the other humans, Ash and friends, come to try and interfere."

"And your point?" Z didn't really get it.

"It's always this kind of story. We abduct, the humans come. The humans win, too," J added dejectedly, after a pause.

"Oh, yeah. I hope that's not the way this will turn out."

"Unlikely. I wonder why we've always been weaker than humans."

There was an awkward silence.

Z gave a point. "Last time it was because they discovered us. This time it was because they got rid of us. Both times, we created alternate worlds. The first time it was for Molly, for compromise. This time it was for us, a temporary home until they give the item for The Restoring."

"So there are actually a number of differences after all." Both Unowns nodded in agreement.

"We'd better keep looking. You never know when they could turn up," said J.

They rounded the last corner of the second floor.

Brendan and Wallace continued walking. The former had calmed down stayed relatively quiet, while the latter constantly muttered to himself about how the mission wasn't as fun as he expected and such. If I was confused by those waves, he thought, I should be acting demented by now. But I'm not.

He turned his mind to other thoughts. When I was outside, sitting with all those stuff, they didn't abduct me. Why was it that they abducted us right after I picked up the zigzagoon? Why did they abduct people in the first place? And WHERE have I seen this place before? A thousand questions (or 7, to be precise,) were crammed inside his head. Why I say crammed is because they felt like they actually had a link to each other and it was hard to make out the actual answers to all of them. The main question was no longer 'How do I get outta here? Alone?' but 'What exactly is going on here? I've gotta find out.'

With question in Wallace's head and fear in Brendan's , they rounded the last corner of the second floor.

"Woah. Bullseye. Right on the target." J and Z gaped at the two guys.

"Just have a little, patience," sang Z in a whisper.

"Patience ain't Unowns' point of expertise, but it worked," grinned J.

"Woah! Check out those cute little things," said Wallace.

"The Unown!" exclaimed Brendan. "The little letter thingies! From the movie!"

"Uh!? They know our names?" sputtered Z.

"Duh! Remember last time? Hale discovered us! Probably tattled to the whole world about it. What's more, 'last time' was made into a movie, I think. It showed on PNN," said J glumly.

"Hey you know," said J slyly after a pause, "that guy with the blue hair is actually pretty cute."

Z glanced at its partner uncertainly. "It's these things that make me wonder if Unowns actually have gender or not."

"What're they saying?" inquired Wallace.

"Uhhh…" Brendan tried to translate. "Hmm… cheep cheep cheep?"

"Makes sense to me," agreed Wallace.

"So what're we supposed to do?" asked J.

"Um, Y said 'pwn them with your hidden powers', not sure what that means."

"Oh, Hidden Power." J nodded in understanding.

Both Unowns shook violently and without warning, sent fluorescent red balls flying at the two guys.

"Ouch!" said Brendan, frowning. "Bad Unown."

"Well," said Wallace cooly, "whaddya know. They want a battle."

"Our first battle in here," smiled Brendan. "Kickass!"

"They're not pwned?!" J and Z were shocked.

"I thought Y said those humans were weak!" complained J.

"They want a battle!" gasped Z. "What NOW?"

"Just accept it. We're bound to win. I hope anyway."

"And now they're saying.." Wallace looked at Brendan.

"Cheep chip-a-cheeereeep."

"Oh-kayyyyyyyyyy… Go, Luvdisc."

A flash of red light lit the corridor as Luvdisc, the rendezvous (whatever that means) fish pokemon, bounced happily out of the pokeball, looking entirely innocent and unready for a fight.

"Go, Ralts!" shouted Brendan determinedly. The Psychic pokemon tumbled out of the pokeball, green mushroom-like head first. It stood up meekly and glanced up at the two.

"GAHHH!" screamed both of the Unowns.

"They're going to pound us! I know they are!" Z sobbed uncontrollably.

"Ok, Luvdisc, use Bubblebeam on the J-shaped one. Hit hard," ordered Wallace, or rather, droned. He obviously wasn't taking it seriously. Powerful, jet-speed bubbles rushed out from Luvdisc's mouth, slamming into the helpless J, who was scared stiff.

The momentum flung poor J to the wall while it struggled to float back up.

"Ralts!" said Brendan, clearly more determined and serious than Wallace. After all, this looked like an easy battle. "Use Confusion against Z! And try to critical hit, since it's the same type as you." Ralts focused all its mindpower and glared into the eye of Z, sending powerful violet mind waves shocking Z and its squinted eye.

"Ow…" groaned Z. "I think I broke my leg."

"Hang on," pleaded J. "Don't leave me. Please."

"I never realized they would be this strong…"

Suddenly, they found a rush of energy surging inside them. Perhaps an instinct of Unowns, but more likely, the urge to win. "Cmon, Z," whispered J. "I can feel it. Come with me. We can escape before we faint and fail the task." Both Unowns, with their final, sudden surge of energy, propelled into the air simultaneously and sped away from Wallace and Brendan.

"Look!" shouted Brendan. "They're running away." With a subtle grin, he said, "If I could catch one of those creatures… I could find out their secret. I could be a billionaire." He started running towards the two escapers.

"No! That's retarded! Don't do it! They can't be captured…" But Wallace's warnings came too late – the twosome had separated. One kept his wits, while the other went on a wild goose chase. And separation was the last thing they needed.


	7. Chapter 7: We Do It Again

**Chapter 7: We Do it Again**

"How're you doing?" gasped Z. The two Unowns were zooming high speed through the fortress to find safe, human-free ground.

"Not too good," muttered J. "That stupid bubblebeam cut me to low yellow HP."

"I'm going to be OK," said Z. "I have low green hp. You have to catch up to me, because I'll be faster."

J nodded and peered over its shoulder. "Goddammit!"

"Wha?"

"That kid's following us!"

"Yeah…. So?" Z replied easily. "Unowns can't be caught. I thought you knew that by now."

"I knew that," snapped J. "But what if he picks a battle with us again? We're on low hp and we ain't standing a chance."

"Don't worry. You can tell from his eyes he just wants to catch us," said Z.

"Obviously good at body-language, huh Z?" joked J weakly.

Suddenly, a crystal came into view and J slammed right into it with a sickening crack.

"Crap…" groaned J. "It's turned red."

"Your hp?" asked Z.

"Duh. Unowns don't bleed. I thought you knew that by now," retorted J cynically.

Both of the Unowns were a good distance away from Brendan. But even though he was far behind, Brendan had a clear vision of the Pokemon. And when he saw that one of them had slammed into a crystal and fallen, he also saw his chance.

"Gotta catch em all," he shouted decisively. Seeing that the Unown had red hp, he figured he should directly throw a pokeball and see how that went. He grabbed a spare pokeball around his belt (the universal n00b way of getting a pokeball. Keep spare pokeballs in your bag.), tossed it up and down several times (even more n00bish. The pokemon could run away easily.), and kicked at it.

"WHA!?" croaked Brendan in astonishment. 'You missed the pokemon!' His pokedex said. It's red hp. How can I miss it? Just then the Unowns propelled back into the air and away from Brendan. "Right," he muttered. You forced me to be nice. Well, that's over. It looks like you Unowns need another Confusion straight to your brain.

"Cmon!!" squeaked J. "He's still after us!"

"Yeah, and I can see he's plotting to faint you," said Z worriedly. Suddenly its face brightened.

"Oh," said J in realization. "I know that face. The great idea face."

"You got HIGH red hp, J?" asked Z.

"Yeah…"

"Use all your power. Try and connect your mind with mine," commanded Z.

"Kay..."

As the distance between them and their 'persecutor' decreased, a light blue shield slowly began to form over the two unowns. It shimmered with an ethereal luster and soon there was a light blue bubble-sphere fully protecting the pokemon from Brendan.

"Nice plan, Z!" shouted J. "I almost forgot we had that."

Brendan was right behind the Unowns. "Just one more burst of energy…" He suddenly lunged forward, trying to take them by surprise. In the few seconds of his 'takeoff', the blue shield came into full view. His head bumped into something flexible, but hard at the same time. Landing on his ass, he sat and gaped up at the two Unowns taking off into the far distance. Realizing he was far from any kind of humanity, he began to cry.

The Unowns reached home plate. I mean their base where they were keeping the hostages.

"Did you get the Restorer?" asked Y, obviously without hope, considering the condition of the two unowns as they floated through the door. Beat, battered, tired, and Shielded. It was an Unown fact of life that Shields should only be used in emergencies.

J and Z, however, were very angry. "You told us they would be pwned by our hidden powers!" they said, facing Y. "They pwned US!"

"What? How COULD you?" exclaimed Y. "They're HUMANS! Filthy, Unown-banishing HUMANS!"

"Yea. Sure. JUST humans," said Z as it rolled its eye.

"Humans aint weak, I tell you," said J, pointing to its head. "See that scar? That's a mark of a Bubblebeam and a dominating Luvdisc."

"Wha…you lost to a LUVDISC!?" whispered Y incredulously.

"And look at Z. It thinks it has a broken leg. But it doesn't. That's the result from a Confusion. I tell you, that Ralts is powerful! Confusion is just that, it confuses," continued J breathlessly. As it reached the word 'confuses' though, it could tell that Y's complexion was turning a dirty green and seemed to be choking on something. It was, actually. It was choking on humiliation.

"WHAT??" Y finally managed to yell. "YOU'VE DISGRACED THE RACE OF UNOWN! LUVDISC IS THE POKEMON WITH THE SHTIEST STATS!"

"But it pwned us!" cried Z.

"AND YOU TOO, Z." Y was now purple with anger. "That Ralts is the same type as you. And you lose to it and run away JUST LIKE THAT?"

"Shut it, Y," said C. "Give 'em a break."

"Our humiliation for a break. Give ME a break. And YOU don't tell me to shut up. Who made you boss here?"

"I was about to ask the same question about YOU. The first day you came you just took over everything. We didn't even have a say."

"Okay, let's not start a flamewar here," said P reproachfully. "As Wallace said, we aren't on the internet and will never be. Let's just find another way to deal with all this. We'll eventually get the Restorer, right?"

Everyone nodded solemnly. P was always the kind one who tried to make the best of everything. Even Y didn't try to disappoint it.

"So. Everyone, I've got an idea. It's a good one, but a bit far-fetched. You tell me when you don't follow," said P.

"Sure. Like you're the boss here," commented Y rudely which all the Unowns responded with a 'SHHHHHH!', except C who slapped Y on the face and snapped "Bch!" Then all Unown was quiet.

"We're going to do it again." P read the six words as if from the declaration of independence.

It was silence in the room. Confused silence as the Unowns contemplated the words.

Finally Q asked, "Do it again?"

"You guys. Don't tell me you forgot."

5 second silence.

"Yeah, we forgot," replied Y. "So? It's not like it's a good idea."

"SHUT UP, Y! Bch!" This time all the unowns spoke together.

"Okay. You following? Right. Remember last time? With Entei."

5 second silence. Then the whole "auditorium" sounded with an "Ohhhhh!"

"Which part?" asked Q. "It was so filled with excitement, I remember."

"Molly wanted to be a pokemon trainer. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Entei and us, we helped transform Molly into a teenager and gave her pokemon."

"Right."

"And we made battle arenas for her. The underwater one and the beach."

"Yeah."

"May I interrupt for a second," said Y.

"No you may not," answered the Unowns.

"Yeah, sure. Well, sarcasm's my middle name. Um, what exactly does this have to do with the Restoring?"

"Maybe not much, I'm afraid," said P.

"Then 'Y' we bother?" joked Y. "Get it? Y? Haha. Heh. Uh."

"This plot is to do with confusing the humans," snapped P. "So stop interrupting."

"YEAH," agreed the rest.

"We did all that for Molly. Now we have to do it for ourselves."

1 minute silence took place as the Unowns thought about this.

P broke the silence. "I happen to know," it said, "the weaknesses to the two guys. Wallace likes girls, and Brendan is immature for a 12 year old. We target those weaknesses, challenge them to a pokemon battle, in a snazzy arena of course, and win."

"We're going to be Unowns who keep pokemon in their belts?" asked H. "Unown don't even have belts."

"No," said P. "My point is. We're going to turn OURSELVES into HUMANS. Just like we turned Molly into a teenager."

Y groaned. "You're NOT turning me. Oh no. Oh no no no. NO WAY."

"Yea yea yea, whatever," replied P icily. "As it happens," it said with an evil glint, "I kept the biggest and most important job to YOU, yes you, Y. That's the price of complaining." All the Unowns cheered. Especially C.

"Now you'll see what it's like to keep all the pressure to yourself, you crak-ed," laughed C. "Maybe you'd be easier on your 'subjects'. F off." The auditorium burst into laughter.

"No, not yet," said P. "I'm going to assign you your JOBS. You'd better listen up, because whatever goes wrong in this is going to be ONE person's fault. So everyone do a good job and come over here."

_This chapter ends with a wail of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" from Y._


	8. Chapter 8: The Battles Begin

**Chapter 8: The Battles Begin**

Boo-hoos floated creepily through the walls of the fortress. It was, of course, Brendan crying for his mommy. The second his head bumped into the bubble shield, he realized he should have never left Wallace. (Ew, now that I say that it sounds pretty gross.) Left him to catch the Unowns, I mean. But of course, once one does something there's no turning back. That's a human fact of life. Unown too, probably. And that's exactly what Brendan was thinking. The human part, anyway.

"How could I have been so stupid?" he said to himself. "Where am I? No one's around…. I WANT MY MOMMY!!" he cried. "Where's everyone else? Aren't there supposed to be hostages here? HELP!"

Suddenly there was a shimmer of light in the air. A green halo of light slowly took shape in front of Brendan. A "Wha?" escaped Brendan's lips and suddenly he couldn't say much more than "Toys…"

What was lying in the center of the green halo was toys, largely pokemon action figures. There were clefairy dolls with twinkling umber eyes, realistic rubber Arbok models for wrestling with, countless "Ash and his Pikachu" figures. Brendan sat and stared at the mountain of molded plastic, his eyes growing wider every second… then…

"OMG! OMG! I'M THE LUCKIEST BOY EVER!!" He was totally ecstatic. Then his gaze turned ambitious. "If I could get hold of all those toys… I'd be the most popular kid in school!" And of course, off he went at the massive hummock of toys. Grabbing a handful, he threw them up into the air, leapt onto the mass, and celebrated with a "HIP HIP HOORAY!"

"You're such a genious, P!" exclaimed N, peering into the surveillance screens, watching Brendan celebrate over his toys. "How in the world did you know all about them?"

"Careful observation of humans," replied P. "Unlike that prick over there that completely refuses to have any interaction with those 'lowlife homos'." It gestured to Y, who was in the corner banging on the wall.

"I'm gonna kill you one day, P," it was seething as it banged its head on the wall repeatedly. "I swear to God I'm gonna kill u…"

"Chill out. You're having this job, no matter what. So no use making yourself injured," answered P. "Oh, by the way, the term 'homo' is the prefix for Homo sapiens, but it doesn't mean 'human'. It actually means 'gay human'."

"Yea, whatever, Word snot," grumbled Y. "I guess I'd better get going. I don't want Big Boss P to get mad at me, do I?"

"Y," said a bored M. "Why in the world are you such a prick?"

"That's just the… WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"You said you'd get going. Now scram," G shot back. And Y did. With more grumbles.

"Well," said P calmly, "A is under the toys, and is probably attempting to abduct now. We just have to wait for a success signal."

"I'm the luckiest boy ever," crooned Brendan to his toys. "Don't you realize how happy you made me?" The toys did not answer. "Cmon, talk!" Brendan chided. "You can do it."

"Well well well, I guess you thought wrong, kiddo," thought A out loud. "Toys don't talk. Face the real world."

"Who's that?" said Brendan, alarmed. He didn't hear clearly what the unknown voice said, so he stopped thinking about it, continuing to swim in the toys.

Seeing an easier way to abduct, A took the chance. "I know how to find your momma," it whispered.

"Huh!?" This time Brendan heard what the voice said. "How?"

"Put the Growlithe slippers on your feet."

"Yeah." He picked up the orange footwear from the pile and slipped them on.

"Now close your eyes and count to 5, slowly. Wish that you were back at home, in Hoenn." A snickered. This human's gotta have watched Wizard of Oz a thousand times. And he even believed it. Later I tell him I'm the tin man, and he'll get a heart for me. Which I do lack, it thought, literally AND emotionally.

"One…" counted Brendan.

A floated out from under the toys.

"Two…"

A concentrated its mind with Brendan's. It could see the innocent, sincere wish of going back home inside his head. It could see images of Brendan and his mother. It suddenly occurred to it that it had never seen such loving mother-and-sons after they were twelve. A felt a twinge of guilt for a split second. Then his mind switched back to business.

"Three…"

The light blue bubble-shield glistened in the sunlight from outside, at the same time enveloping Brendan.

"Four…"

A floated upwards, bringing the bubble with it. "Ooof. Kid's so heavy…"

"Five."

But when Brendan opened his eyes, he was no longer on the ground. The mound of toys was getting smaller and smaller. "What the…" But he wasn't hallucinating. THEN he got it.

"Oh yeah! I wished to go back to Hoenn! And now I'm flying away from here," he said. "Well, pity to have to leave those toys, but at least I'm seeing mommy soon." He brightened and looked up at the walls of the bubble. "At least I won't see those gol-darn Unowns again. I'm leaving them in this place. They can't follow me and GYAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" He had just spotted the Unown carrying the bubble. Duh.

"Well," grinned A. "You'll never escape from US. Never. Not with Officer A's professional abducting you won't. Not even in your dreams. But of course, your dreams will still happen in Da Hizayyyy."

Wallace had stopped on his mission and sat down on a flat crystal. Of course, he tried to convince himself that he was tired. But as you, the reader, probably know by now, there was a certain area in his mind that kept piping messages like "You KNOW you need a real friend. He is one," and "Don't deny yourself all the time. He's your friend, and for the last time, YOU'RE GAY" into his consciousness. Now it was saying, "You do know that without him the mission is boring, right? And that's why you stopped. Not because your ass is sore. How can walking make your ass sore?".

"GOD DAMMIT You're giving me a HEADACHE!" shouted (thought) Wallace to his inner voice. "Just stop it and let me rest."

"No," countered the voice. "You have to learn to stop lying to yourself. Until then, I won't stop."

"Okay. You're gonna have to learn the hard way, I guess," threatened Wallace to the voice. He faced a jagged crystal shard. "I wonder if you're afraid of sharp things?"

He then proceeded to bang his head on the crystal.

But the voice didn't cease. "What? Are you mad? You actually think physical force can hurt me. It's courage and capacity that really snaps me in half. And you're hurting no one but yourself by smashing your head."

"Yeah? You can't last forever. You'll see what I mean," snapped Wallace.

"I think I won't see," stated the voice solemnly.

"YEAH?? Then F OFF!"

Wallace was already in a state of semi-dementia, driving himself crazy with his own thoughts. He carried on until there were visible stains of blood on his white uniform cap. Then his vision fuzzed……….

And when it cleared, it was evident that he was in a different place. He was standing on a white, pristine beach that stretched over the land like a blanket. Another reason why it looked like a blanket was because of the waves billowing and crashing onto the rocks in the far left. He was facing the sea, which looked startlingly real; it sparkled in the (no longer crystal) sun like an aquamarine. The waves were lapping the shore gently, more liquid than anything Wallace had seen in the whole Unown place. Everything looked so clean, untouched, unpolluted, without the stain of human existence. Almost hard to believe it actually existed in a crystal wasteland. Or did it?

The abrupt change of setting so mystified Wallace that the voice in his head took a break. Am I hallucinating? he thought. That would be plausible as the cause… But nothing had ever seemed so real… Either way, everything had a cause; and he knew he had to find it. "Guess it's time to explore the place," he thought out loud. The rocks on the far left echoed his voice across the sea. "At least better than head-banging."

He looked behind him. There was no sign of any entrance or exit. Then he took a step. The sand felt dense, but soft at the same time. The air was relatively warm, but as he continued walking, he could feel a slight yet cold breeze in the direction of the sea. Really strange weather, he thought. Maybe this IS still the Unown place. He kept walking until he reached the end of land and the beginning of water. AKA the shore. He could easily see his reflection as he peered into the clear, shallow water. Sitting down on the sand, Wallace carefully ran a finger through the water, which felt surprisingly like liquid ice. He splashed his face with a bit of water to test for hallucinations – but when he opened his eyes again he was still on the beautiful, pristine beach. It confirmed that he wasn't crazy. It was all real…

He stood up and continued to stroll along the beach. The sand seemed to stretch to infinity on the sides. In the distance, Wallace could see a faint shadow of _something. _It was too far to see clearly, but it was certainly the first object Wallace had saw in the place besides from rocks, sea and sand. And in the end, curiosity won over apprehensiveness and he made his way towards it.

It seemed like time was slowing down as he walked toward the mysterious object. Everything seemed to be playing in slow motion. At first, he thought it was a block of wood – but there didn't seem to be any wood in anywhere near. And soon he could see that another thing was perched on the object, about five sixths the length of the thing underneath it.

As he closed up on the object, he halted to a stop and rubbed his eyes. No. It couldn't be. His mind was in a fuzz, and his breathing was hard. NO WAY. On impulse he ran to the water and splashed the icy liquid on his face. Then turned around. STILL THERE.

No! It couldn't be! But there it was, quite clear. No mistake. No.

A girl.

"What's going on?" demanded Brendan to the Unown. "What's with the bubble?"

"P, send in the translating apparatus," said A into its walkie-talkie.

"Affirmative," said P.

"Well," A said through the machine. "I'm afraid you've been tricked, kiddie."

"Huh? How?" asked Brendan.

"You actually believed the Wizard of Oz stunt. That's laughable," jeered A.

Brendan's face lost its confused look as it took on a disbelieving, furious one.

"WHAT? You let me outta here. RIGHT NOW. You liar. Cheater." Brendan thrashed around in the bubble, to no success.

"Ahahaha. Better get used to life. Adults lie. Right to your face, dude," grinned A. "Oh, and that bubble's the result of psychic connection, so try as you might with physical force and all you'll accomplish is a cramp in your you-know-where."

"Grrr….Go, Marshtomp!" shouted Brendan, throwing a ball to the walls of the bubble. Marshtomp, just evolved, burst out of the ball and glanced at Brendan, confused.

"Aw. You want a battle," said A in sarcastic sweetness. "Well, I guess I just have to..." And with a flash of light, they were in a vast, green prairie dotted with magenta and indigo. A mansion eerily resembling the Unown fortress stood in the distance. A, however, was nowhere to be seen. In its place stood a tall boy about 14 with shocking violet eyes and spiky red hair.

"Meet Allen," said the boy. "And I accept your challenge. Not that I would call it that," he added with a noted "A" tone of sarcasm. "Go, Tropius!"

As the pokeball burst open, a dinosaur-like cry was heard. A dinosaur-like pokemon was seen too, as Tropius flew out. Literally flew out. Then it landed with a deafening crash.

"Marshtomp!" yelled Brendan. "Mud-slap!"

Allen stared for 5 seconds and then he keeled over, laughing. "Oh my god! AHAHAHA! N00b! Let's pwn some n00bs! GAHAHAHAHA!" He couldn't seem to stop, especially when the message "It doesn't affect Tropius" came up and Brendan looked appalled.

"hic-Tropius!" giggled Allen uncontrollably. "chk-chk-Magical hic-Leaf!"

Tropius roared fiercely and flew up in the air, beating its wings. Razor-sharp, fluorescent leaves whizzed through the air, cutting into Marshtomp before it could dodge them. Marshtomp let out a cry and fell over onto its back.

"Oh nooooo!" cried Brendan. "Come back, Marshtomp! Go Ziggy!"

The 200 yen pokeball, then the cowardly raccoon; it was all routine. Pretty funny, if you were there to watch. And of course it cracked up Allen. If I typed out all his laughter and jeers, I would fill up a page. So let's continue.

"gasp-hic-Tropius!" choked Allen. "s-s-s-Stomp! GAHAHAHHA!!"

Tropius brought its foot down on the little raccoon with a CRUNCH, and you could have sworn it laughed. A loud, rough guffaw. Really. Just then, Brendan caught sight of the Uno berry.

"Ooh!" he said, and picked it up. "It's not eaten after all."

"Tropius! It flinched – stomp again!" commanded Allen.

Tropius obeyed, and the battle came to an end as Zigzagoon fainted and Brendan begged for Allen to stop.

"Well then, Brendan," said Allen. "You'll have to black out. Willing to do it?"

"Definitely," groaned Brendan. He obviously had been feeling Zigzagoon's pain.

Allen grinned and blacked him out. Then he created the mind bubble, and the prairie disappeared as the Unown and its captive continued for the auditorium.


End file.
